Bipolar Energy

The past week has been very interesting for me.  I got released from the hospital and have been trying to get used to new meds and a new boss.  This week has been full of changes.  As I have been trying to adjust, I have asked myself how I can adjust to these changes and what I can do to make sure I am still healthy and taking care of myself.   I mentioned in a post on the Bipolar Energy Facebook page about how life is like a chess board.   Sometimes we try to control the pieces of the chess board and we feel stressed, overwhelmed, and feelings of unworthiness come upon us.   So as I was released from the hospital, one of the things that I learned while I was there and one of the things I am trying to remember to do is to only control what I can control.   I cannot control the pieces on the chess board and I cannot control what other people think or do.   I may be able to influence them and  hopefully for ...

This week I've been thinking about the role I play in support of my husband.  Now, this is my post, so I get to say what you'll never in a million years catch Jason saying.  I get to tell you about him.  More than 13 years ago I fell in love with a strong man.  Someone who was loyal.  Someone with concern for others and a desire to show tenderness in the midst of difficulty.  I fell in love with someone who seeks constantly to learn and improve and who is willing to work through hard things.  I fell in love with a patient teacher.  I fell in love with a man of honor.  I also fell in love with a flawed man.  This was good because I was a flawed woman.  I knew I would need his patience and forgiveness throughout the years as I learned and grew in my clumsy and indelicate way.  I chose before we even met to readily offer a husband the same patience and forgiveness I knew I would need.  I fell in love and we were married....

Over the past several days I have had the opportunity to think about my situation and have the great chance to track my mood and my energy levels.   As I have been doing this, its reinforced my observation that my energy levels are very close to how my mood is.  What I mean by this is that when my mood is up my energy levels are up.  When my mood is poor my energy levels are down.  A couple of days a ago, I woke up feeling great and that is was wonderful then about mid-day my energy all of sudden fell very quickly and my mood followed right after.   It stayed down for about an hour and then my energy shot up and right behind it came my mood.  It did not recover fully at first but by the end of the day it was back up where it was when I started the day.  This made me wonder what is link between energy and mood.  I have noticed this trend before and noticed it comes and goes.  I am not saying that if you have low energy that you will have dep...

Throughout my time with the disorder, several people have come up to me and asked me what triggers my episodes or what triggers I have so they can try to be a little bit more sensitive about them.  As I have pondered these questions and with my trials that I have had this week, I have come the realization that I do not have triggers like what most people are referring to.  Now I am not saying others do not have triggers because you may.  For me, though, I think the episodes are just going to come when they are going to come regardless of the outside environment.  That said, one pattern that I have found out over the past six months is there is one thing that leads into many of my trials and even into my episodes is something that I have heard referred to as Psychological Isolation.  This is where you feel alone or isolated or just separated away from whatever you are experiencing at the moment.  This is not when you are home alone and wishing ...