Bipolar Energy

A little over a week ago I was reading a article about strength leadership.    This was a very good article and made me think about my situation.    I went to a DBSA meeting a couple of days after reading this article and while I was in the meeting Icould not help but think that the thing I need most is focusing onmy strengths.   I can count how many times I have been positive with myself and can not count how times I habve been negative.   We are all so negative and always looking on the bad side of things.   We all say to oursleves why I can not be like I was in College or High school.    Why I am not like so and so or why I can not get out of bed.   I would like to make a recommendation.   Lets try focusing on our strengths for a week.    When we are thinking negative we need to change that to one of our srengths.    We need to have list our strenghts and when ...

Over the past several days and week the paranoia has gone up and down.    Over the past several days it has been increasingly worse.   My first thoughts is my meds are off or i need to talk to my docotr.   If I tell my docotr that I am having issues this will result in several weekly meeting on adjusting the meds and trying to get them back in line.   I personally feel this would do more harm than good.   I am not opposed to adjusting my meds but there is something i have learned about the disease is that events and episodes are going to come and go.     The best thing I caan do when these extreme valleys or peaks come is to hold on and enjoy the ride as much as I can.    For me the ride is short and does not last very long but for some of you it might be long and a differnt technique i probably more useful.    So as I am riding this wave  and getting the hell beat out of me and...

Over the past couple weeks as I have been going in and out of smaller episodes and trying to learn how to deal with the meds and the cycles.   One of the things that I have reading about is how we view ourselves.   One of the things that I have learned over the past 12 years of knowlingly having this disorder.   My view of myself has gone down hill.    I have viewed myself as sick and not capable of doing anything right.   I have viewed myself as disabled and not being to fulfill my roles in society or what I would like to accomplish as person.   I have felt like a failure and like my life is about to get worse and there is nothing I can do to stop it from happening.   That the disorder was going to eat me alive and that it was going to ruin my life as a whole.    Then I started to take control and try to learn how to live with the disorder and not make the disorder my whole focal point. ...

I know it has been a long time and it has been a long road since I left the hospital.   One of the things that has been coming up  is the term labels.   Now we all have labels like Mother or Father or what ever our occupation is.   One of the labels I have attached to is the label of bipolar and Schizophrenia.  Now when I look at labels I think of them of ways to help me.    I know many of you label yourselves are I am this or that.   That is where the problem is.   I am not bipolar.   I have the disorder and I have mental illness but it is not who I am or what I stand for.   I might have rapid thoughts or huge swings in mood but all of those can be controlled and can be managed.   I was reading a book this evening and the book was talking about how there are really two ways in helping us get better.   We are either helping it and making ourselves get better or we are making it worse and in the reference from my docto...

One of the reoccuring topics I have had with my therapist have been talking about happiness and how we are happy.   The basis of the conversations are what do I think or does that person really hate you or are they just unhappy with the circumstances and the events.   While I was in the hosiptal I had the chance to think about this topic and while I started to realized that happiness was more within than is something that is given to us.   So if we want to be happy we need to be happy with ourselves first.   How can we ever be happy if we are not happy in our skin.   I  know personally this has been the bigger cause of my own frustrations is the causes within.   As the meds i am on have been doing their job and allowing me to get to know the real me.   This has been key for me.  For over the past decade I have been taking the same meds and experience the moods swings and all the other enjoyable moments that ...

At a meeting I attended of DBSA there was a young man that was talking about his issues and the problems he faced.   As he was talking it made me reflect of my own situation and that ways that I cope and manage my own illness.   Well Shortly after that I had my first major episode since the hospital and it was different.   I commented on one of my previous blog posts about it.  The one thing that has helped me through those hard times has been something I have picked up and now reading a book on it.   The idea is not to be focused on where we want to be or what our big goal is.  The idea is to be focused on the small steps I am going to take.   If we want to do something large we have to break it up into smaller steps or else we are going to great over whelmed and we will never accomplish our goals.   When I was at the hospital I was focused on what is my next step.   I was focused on what I could do right n...