Supporting Roles

This week I've been thinking about the role I play in support of my husband.  Now, this is my post, so I get to say what you'll never in a million years catch Jason saying.  I get to tell you about him.  More than 13 years ago I fell in love with a strong man.  Someone who was loyal.  Someone with concern for others and a desire to show tenderness in the midst of difficulty.  I fell in love with someone who seeks constantly to learn and improve and who is willing to work through hard things.  I fell in love with a patient teacher.  I fell in love with a man of honor.  I also fell in love with a flawed man.  This was good because I was a flawed woman.  I knew I would need his patience and forgiveness throughout the years as I learned and grew in my clumsy and indelicate way.  I chose before we even met to readily offer a husband the same patience and forgiveness I knew I would need.  I fell in love and we were married.  And then he was diagnosed with Bipolar.

And he was still the same man I fell in love with.

His diagnosis changed the way Jason saw himself.  He felt broken for a long time and assumed that that's what others saw, too; a shell of what he used to be.  But that's not what I saw.  And now I see the same person with the same strengths (and a couple of flaws) plus a dozen years worth of growth and experience on top of that.

When Oscars season comes around, there are several different categories that receive rewards.  There has to be several categories because each group fills a role that no other group even competes with.  One of those categories is Supporting Roles.  In film as in life, one lone person can never become the hero of their story without characters surrounding them.  These roles show how the hero interacts with others in heroic ways.  Sometimes the supporting character is the one who sees the worth of the potential hero even when others cannot.  The supporting character makes the audience believe that the main character really can aspire to the heights required by the story's dilemma.  But how?

The supporting actor does not speak the hero's lines for him.  He does not support the hero by fighting the foe in his place in order to protect him.  After all, the hero is the hero because he's the one who overcomes the difficulty.  If the supporting character took over, no one would believe that hero had the right to that title.  No.  The supporting role cannot take away the challenge that the hero must bear.  Instead, the supporting character believes in the hero so unfailingly that no one else, including the hero himself can doubt that he has what it takes to rise to the challenge asked of him.  

No, I can't take away the episodes that come to Jason.  It is not and never can be my fight.  If I tried to pretend I could do it for him, it would detract from the only real role I can play.  It would take away from my credibility when I say I believe Jason has what it takes to get through hard times.  What I can do is be available to remind him that I see him in all his humanity, not the Bipolar.  I can reassure him that I'm still here and not going anywhere.  Even when I'm not physically at his side (which is quite often, actually) I can reassure him that I'm always his and that we both will always come back to the same place for refuge and safety.  I can hold fast to all the good and strong that I see in him.  I can patiently forgive him for the flaws that amount to so little compared to his desire.   As I do this, those around us will interact with him more as the person he truly is.  And each time he needs a reminder, I can show him and the little audience of a family we've created together that he deserves to be called the hero in his own story because I'm looking directly at him and see him, not the dragons that plague him.