Bipolar Energy

The past week I have been reading to some books about self-talk and how we can manage this better.  To me this is a very sensitive subject since I have had a very hard time trying to break up the internal voices from the external ones.  When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I was also diagnosed with schizophrenia.  For some time I have heard voices and many times these voices are very hard on me.  They talk me down often.  During moments of crisis, they can become very loud and hard for me to handle.  These voices usually sound like people that I am very close to or people that I have to interact with on a daily basis.  It becomes very hard at times when I am at my desk or on the phone with these people and all of a sudden I hear their other voice.  You might ask me how can I do do this or how can I tell the difference between their real voice or the one that I am hearing.  I have forced myself to learn what is their real voice to what ...

A few years into fighting bipolar, I had been suffering to the point I felt like I was losing the battle.  It seemed like I could not gain any ground and actually felt myself slipping backward if any thing.  I felt the disorder getting worse  and knew I had to make some changes.  At that point in time circumstances were that I needed to find a new doctor and I decided to find a new therapist as well. This turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made.  As I was going to my therapy sessions and trying to win some minor battles, my therapist recommended a book by John Welwood that changed my whole view of the disorder its management.  This book introduced me to energy and power we have within ourselves.  Now I admit that energy healing is very weird concept to me, but just hold on and let me explain what this did for me. As I was reading about the energy within each of us my wife recommended a book to me that talked about identifying one...

Photo Attribution   One of the most powerful tools I have to use when I am in crisis and also when I just need to relax is music.  I have spent a considerable amount of time trying to find out what works for me and what does not.  Many of you have probably also found out that music has a very important role in your bipolar management as well as other parts of your life.  I know that music has pulled me out of some very dark depressions and some extreme manias.  At times music has lifted my world and brought me joy.  Other times it has slowed down enough to get my thoughts back in line so I can understand what is going on and what I need to do to make sure I am okay.  Other than my first suicide attempt, I have pulled myself out of most of the other near attempts through music.  I have to thank my favorite artist, Paul Cardall.  If you have not heard any of his music, I have some of it posted on the website for you to listen to.  I ...

Photo Attribution One of the things that has helped me the most in my management of Bipolar is the understanding my cycles. We all deal with them and we learn to hate them and love them at the same time. Over the course of several years i have been trying to understand what my triggers are and what causes me to go into depressive moods and what puts me in manic moods as well. If you know these, you are a lot further along than I am in the management of the disorder. The thing I have done is understand how long I am in each mood or cycle. I like to understand things in a linear fashion. I like to know how long exactly it takes to bake cookies or how long my commute will be.  Several years ago I started to track my cycles. I wanted to understand them so I could see if I could control them in some fashion. As I did this I started to see trends and the way the cycles were presenting themselves. I noticed a weekly cycle. On the weekend I would enter into severe depressive...

One of the hardest things for me with bipolar is getting through those really tough episodes that seem like they are going to take us down. You all know what I am talking about. We all have had them and probably will continue to have them. At one point I talked with my therapist about this and he told me that it is like walking in the ocean. The waves hit us and knock us down and we just need to get back up and be careful not to get pulled under. Last night I was listening to a book by Barbara Brown Taylor called Learning to Walk in the Dark . She was talking about the important lessons we can learn from the dark. As I was thinking about this, I was wondering what I could take away from this book. I applied it to an episode. To me episodes are dark and I feel like no one cares: That no one wants me and I might as well just fall off the face of the earth. The author was saying that it is during these moments we just need to learn to walk in the dark. Some episodes bring famili...

I would like to start to talk about energy and why I feel it is so essential in bipolar management. Awhile back I was attending a DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance)meeting and one of the people at the meeting said that bipolar is more about managing our energy than it is about managing our moods. I went home and was thinking about this. At the time I was having a hard time managing my moods and energy. I did some research and found several reports saying our moods in Bipolar are directly related to energy levels. I started to think about this and realized how linked they really were. I noticed during my depressive episodes my energy levels were extremely low while in manic they were extremely elevated. I then started to use caffeine to help boost my mood when depressed. WARNING!: I began this very carefully because caffeine can interact dangerously with our other medications. I treat caffeine as another medication to be used carefully as specific times. It can cause some ...

One of the things that has helped through out my illness has been my support. I refer to each member of my support as pillars. Knowing they're there helps keep my internal roof from crashing down. I view them as someone that I can go to in the moment of crisis: Someone I can call anytime for help. I have key words with them telling them how bad it is and how fast it is progressing. For example, one of my pillars is my wife. I will call or text her and say I am slipping fast. This means the voices are very loud and I am cycling very quickly from up to down to up to down again. I think if we really want to get better we have to have these pillars. The more the better. Actively strengthen relationships when you can so that understanding will be there when you need it. Identify them in calm times and let them know they are a pillar as well. They know they are the ones I rely on when it gets intense. I tend to text first when I just have a casual question or want to chat, ...