Walking in the Dark

One of the hardest things for me with bipolar is getting through those really tough episodes that seem like they are going to take us down. You all know what I am talking about. We all have had them and probably will continue to have them. At one point I talked with my therapist about this and he told me that it is like walking in the ocean. The waves hit us and knock us down and we just need to get back up and be careful not to get pulled under. Last night I was listening to a book by Barbara Brown Taylor called Learning to Walk in the Dark. She was talking about the important lessons we can learn from the dark. As I was thinking about this, I was wondering what I could take away from this book. I applied it to an episode. To me episodes are dark and I feel like no one cares: That no one wants me and I might as well just fall off the face of the earth. The author was saying that it is during these moments we just need to learn to walk in the dark. Some episodes bring familiar terrain like walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It's still dark and difficult, but at least familiar. Others bring new and unfamiliar fears and challenges. In the midst of this darkness, we can take our time to familiarize ourselves. If we figuratively sit and wait until someone turns on the light, those fears will keep their potency the next time. If instead, we slowly feel our way around the fears, identify them, come to recognize them, they become more familiar. Some of the fear ebbs because it is no longer unknown. Sometimes the dark is like walking in the ocean and can feel almost impossible at times. The truth is though that we can do it and we will be better off for it. Walking in the dark sucks and nobody likes it. This statement is true, but the night time or darkness has also taught me some the most important lessons in life. I've learned I would not give up for anything. I've been able to recognize and address some of my biggest fears. I've gained empathy for others walking in darkness. I can honestly say each dark moment has brought new understanding for me. I know it can do the same for you. If any of you are in the dark please let me say we are here for you. You don't have to be alone. Reach out to one of your pillars or contact me. The dark sucks but it is the best place to learn. If you are there let someone hold your hand and walk together so that both of us can see the light again. The dark is only for a small moment and soon it will be light again. We just need to know that the light will come. In the meantime, don't just sit in dark despair and fear: Learn to walk.